Özgüveninizi Geri Getirin

1) BAŞARINIZI İMGELEYİN

Kendine güveniyor olmak; ilerlemeyi, risk alabilmeyi ve yeni durumlara ak uydurabilmeyi sağlan Sorunların üstesinden gelirken ve yeni bir basamak atlarken, hünerlerimizi sergilemek için kendimize güvenmemiz gerekir. Kazandığımız kişisel başarılar, negatif öngörüleri ve korkuları ortadan kaldırır. Elde ettiğimiz bir başarıyla ilgili duyguları bilinçli bir şekilde tekrar hatırladığımızda, beynimiz yeni bir programlama yapar. Aldığı pozitif mesajlar, geleceğe olumsuz ve kaygılı bakmamızı engelleyen, stres karşıtı hormonlar salgılar. Böylece kendimize de pozitif bakmaya başlarız.

UYGULANIŞI

Pozitif bir deneyim seçin. Geçmişte yaşadığınız ve kendinizle gurur duyduğunuz, yeteneklerinizi ya da hiç bilmediğiniz yönlerinizi açığa çıkardığınız, ilk görüşte aşılmaz sanıp zamanla üstesinden geldiğiniz deneyimlerden birini seçin.

Sakin Bir Zaman Seçin

Tek başınıza seçtiğiniz bu pozitif deneyimi bir film gibi yeniden yaşayın. Canlandırabildiğiniz kadar çok sahneyi gözünüzün önüne getirin ve bu anıyla bağlantılı her duygunun açığa çıkmasına izin verin.

Bu Deneyimle ilgili Kendini Sorular Sorun.

Başarılı olmadan önce ne tür duygularınız vardı? Korkularınız, şüpheleriniz nelerdi? Kendinizden emin olduğunuz noktalar nelerdi? Yardım isteme, kendini ifade etme, cesaret ya da hayal gücü gibi ne tür kaynaklara başvurdunuz? Sizi harekete geçiren neydi?
İşin üstesinden gelirken kendinizi nasıl hissettiniz? Düşünce ve duygularınız nelerdi? Kendiniz ve diğerleriyle ilgili neler keşfettiniz?

Yeteneklerinizi ya da yetenek alanlarınızı belirleyin.

Amacınıza ulaşmanızı sağlayacak sezgi gücü, analiz yeteneği, iletişim becerileri gibi yeteneklerinizi bulun.Başarınızın keyfini çıkarın ve bu mutluluğun getirdiği imge ve gurur, şaşkınlık, dinginlik gibi duyguları tekrar yaşayın.

Kendinizi Tebrik Edin

Başarıya giden yolda kullandığınız tüm beceri ve yeteneklerinizi övün

2) ARKADAŞLARINIZDAN GÜÇ ALIN

Başkalarının görüşleri, bilinç dışına ittiğimiz yetersizlik duygularının ve komplekslerin nedeni olabildiği gibi özgüvenimizi destekleyen itici bir güç de olabilir. Kendimizden şüphe ettiğimiz ya da depresyonda olduğumuzda başkalarının bizimle ilgili düşüncelerine daha çok önem vermeye başlarız. Negatif eleştirilere inanma eğilimimiz övgülere inanma eğilimimizden daha fazladır. O yüzden şimdi bu mekanizmayı ters çevirip başkalarının bizimle ilgili pozitif görüşlerini kullanma zamanı.

UYGULANIŞI

3-10 Kişi seçin.

Bu kişiler yakın ve samimi ilişki kurduğunuz insanlar olsun.

Onlardan sizinle ilgili takdir ettikleri yönleri yazmalarını isteyin.

Olumlu yönleriniz, değerleriniz, yetenekleriniz gibi. Ve ilişkinizde kendilerini iyi hissetmelerini sağlayan özelliğinizin ne olduğunu sorun. İsteğinizin onları şaşırtmaması için kendine güven egzersizi yaptığınızı ve görüşlerinin çok işinize yarayacağını onlarla samimi bir şekilde paylaşabilirsiniz. Zaman ayıramazlarsa da bunun ilişkinize zarar vermeyeceğini belirtebilirsiniz. Son olarak onların da oyuna katılabileceğini ve isterlerse, sizin de onlarla ilgili takdir ettiğiniz şeyleri yazabileceğinizi söyleyin.

Tüm yazılanları bu alıştırma için hazırladığınız özel bir kutuya koyun.

Verilen cevapların hepsini okuyun ve aklınızda kalanları yazılanlara bakmadan not edin.

Yazdığınız notları size yazılanlarla karşılastırın.

Karşılaştırma yaparken öncelik sıralamanıza ve seçimlerinize dikkat edin. Neleri yazmış, neleri çıkarmışsınız? En çok nelerden etkilenmişsiniz ya da neleri göz ardı etmişsiniz?

Sizinle ilgili söylenen tüm özellikleri gruplandırın.

Bu özelliklerinizin farkında mısınız? Ardından bu övgü listesini tekrar tekrar okuyun.

3) AKIŞ DENEYİMİNİN TADINI ÇIKARIN


Tutkuyla yaptığımız ve bizi harekete geçiren aktiviteler vardır. Bu aktivitelerin varlığı bizi mutlu eder ve kapasitemize güvenmemizi sağlar. Psikolog Mihâly Csikszentmihâlyi bu etkiyi gözlemlemiş ve “akış deneyimi” adını vermiş. Bu anlar “yapmanın hazzı için yapmaya” dayalı eylemlerden oluşuyor. Akış deneyimi yaşamanızı sağlayan aktiviteleri yaptığınızda kendinize güveniniz artar.

UYGULANIŞI

Size özgürlük, mutluluk, zafer ve yetenekli hissi veren bir aktivite belirleyin.

Bu, sanat, spor ya da entelektüel alanda bir aktivite olabilir. Bu aktiviteyi düşündüğünüzde heyecan duymalısınız. Kendinizi adamak için gönüllü olmalı ve yapmaktan zevk almalısınız.

Bu aktiviteye zaman ayırın.

Günlük hayatınızın bir parçası değilse, aktiviteyi gerçekleştireceğiniz zamanları programlayın.

Aktiviteyi gerçekleştirdikten sonra aktiviteyle ilgili duygu ve düşüncelerinize odaklanın.

Açığa çıkan yeteneklerinizi not edin. Listeyi ara ara tekrar okuyun. Bu liste sizin öznel hazinenizin bir parçası olacak.

4) GÜN İÇİNDE KENDİNİZLE GURUR DUYDUĞUNUZ ÜÇ ANI YAZIN

Amerikalı Psikolog Martin Seligman, her gün bizi mutlu eden ve gururlandıran üç şeyi yazmanın iyilik duygumuzu güçlendirdiğini keşfetmiş. Davranışsal ve bilişsel psikoloji araştırmacıları, bu egzersizi uygulayan kişilerde benlik saygısının birkaç hafta içinde arttığını tespit etmiş.

UYGULANIŞI

Gün sonunda sizi mutlu eden ya da gururlandıran üç şeyi bir deftere yazın.

Randevuya vaktinde gitmek, çocuğunuza “Hayır” demek, iltifat almak gibi size önemsiz gelebilecekleri bile yazabilirsiniz. Hiçbirini hafife almayın.

Bunları birkaç kelimeyle betimleyin.

Hangi yetenek, yetkinlik veya yeterlilikleriniz ön plana çıkıyor. Haftanın sonunda, isterseniz yüksek sesle, yazdıklarınızı tekrar okuyun ve nasıl hissettiğinize dikkat edin. Bu özel anları en az bir ay boyunca defterinize yazın.

5) MEKTUP YAZIN AMA KENDİNİZE


Amerikalı Psikolog Kristin Neff, kendine şefkat gösterme kapasitesi olarak tanımlanan öz-şefkat kavramı üzerinde duruyor. Sanılanın aksine çok az kişi başarısızlık yaşadıktan sonra kendine merhamet gösteriyor. Olumsuzluklar benlik algımızı etkiliyor. Kendinizi iyi hissetmek için kendinize kendiniz değilmişsiniz gibi davranmakla başlayacağız. Kendinizi en iyi arkadaşınız yerine koyun ve onun sizi nasıl teselli edeceğini ve ne gibi önerilerde bulunacağını düşünerek bir mektup yazın.

UYGULANIŞI

Masaya oturun.

Yalnız ve huzurlu olun, önünüze bir deste kâğıt alın. Kendi isminizin başına “Değerli” yazarak mektubunuza başlayın. En yakın arkadaşınız sanki size yazıyormuş gibi düşünün. Kendinize bakışınızı değiştirmek ve iyileştirmek için size neler söylerdi?

Bildiğiniz yeteneklerini sıralayın.

Somut örnekler verin.

Özgüven eksikliğinin sebepleri üzerinde durun.

Aile tarihi, kültürü, kötü deneyimler…Daha sonra başarılarından bahsedin. En basitten en önemliye, her alanda sahip olduğu yetenekleri sıralayın ve kendinden şüphe ettiğinde, bunları tekrar hatırlamasını isteyin.

En zararlı şeyin bilişsel çarpıtma yanlış inançlar olduğunu hatırlatarak biti rin.

“Ben bir salağım, her şeyi kaçırıyorum” gibi özellikle negatif genellemeler karşısında en doğru olan çareyi yani genelleme yapmamasını söyleyin.

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