Hayır Demeyi Başarmak

Hayır Diyebilmek

Modern çalışma hayatı minimum süreye maksimum işi sığdırmaya çalıştığından beri, iş hayatında “hayır” demek bir zorunluluk haline geldi. Kimisi çok yumuşak suratlı olduğundan dolayı hayır diyemiyor, kimisi takım oyuncusu imajını bozmaktan çekiniyor. Yöneticisinin tepkisinden çekinip her işe evet, yapabilirim diyen de yok değil. Ama buna bir dur demenin zamanı gelmedi mi? Nereye kadar her işi evet diyerek sırtınıza alacaksınız?

İş hayatında hayır demek mutlaka edinilmesi gereken bir yetkinlik. Çünkü bunu beceremezseniz belli bir yerden sonra iş yükünüz yönetilmekten çok uzak bir hale geliyor ve içten içe stresli, mutsuz ve yetersiz hissetmeye başlıyorsunuz. Bu da uzun vadede veriminizi düşürmeniz ve kariyerinizi tehlikeye atmanız demek. Yani aslında basit bir hayır, kariyeriniz için yapabileceğiniz en mantıklı hareket olabilir. Ama işte, sıkıntı da burada başlıyor. Bu 5 harflik kelime ağızlardan çıkmıyor bir türlü. Her işe evet demek neredeyse övünç kaynağı olmuş. Hayır diyeni ayıplayan bir iş ortamı var. Bu ortam sizi hayır deme konusunda rahat hissettirmiyor. Böylece iş üstüne iş alıyor, mesai üstüne mesai yapıyorsunuz.

Hayır Demek Konusunda Neden Zorluk Çekiyoruz?

Hayır demeyi öğrenmek için, öncelikle bizi neyin alıkoyduğunu anlamamız gerekiyor. Aşağıdaki maddeler, insanların genellikle hayır diyememe nedenlerini oluşturuyor:

  • Sizden yardım isteyen kişileri geri çevirmek istemiyor ve yardım etmek istiyorsunuz. Bu sizin zamanınıza mal olsa bile…
  • Kaba görünmekten çekiniyorsunuz. Eğer insanlara, hatta sizden daha büyük ya da otoriteye sahip kişilere “hayır” demenin kaba olduğu bir nosyon içinde büyüdüyseniz, böyle hissetmeniz çok normal.
  • Dışlanmaktan korkuyorsunuz. Sizden istenilen şeyi yapmadığınız için dışlanmaktan korkuyor bu yüzden istenilen çoğu şeyi yapıyorsunuz.
  • Bir çatışma yaşamaktan korkuyorsunuz. Reddettiğiniz kişiyi kızdırmaktan korkuyorsunuz. “Hayır” demeniz halinde, ileride yaşanabilecek bir çatışmadan çekiniyorsunuz.
  • Bazı fırsatları kaybetmekten korkuyorsunuz. Büyük bir ihtimalle, “hayır” demenin bazı kapıları kapatmasından korkuyorsunuz. Örnek olarak: Benim eski çalıştığım firmada Hintli çalışanların çoğu, işlerini kaybetme korkusuyla asla “hayır” demezlerdi. 2 kat iş yükü verilse de, imkansız istense de “hayır” diyemezlerdi.
  • Köprüleri atmaktan korkuyorsunuz. Bazı insanlar “hayır” kelimesini bir reddedilme olarak algılar. Bu da köprülerin atılıp, ilişkilerin son bulması anlamına gelebilir.

Ne zaman hayır demelisiniz?

Duygularınız her zaman önemli olsa da bu durumda mantığınıza öncelik tanıyabilirsiniz. Örneğin, çok yorgun bir şekilde eve dönüyorsunuz ve arkadaşınız akşam size gelmek istediğini söylüyor. Duygularınız, onu sevdiğinizi ve onu kırmamak adına evet demenizi beklerken hayır diye haykıran vücudunuzun sesini göz ardı etmeyin. Eğer evet cevabı verdiğinizde huzursuzluk, stres gibi olumsuz duygular yaşayacaksanız doğru cevap hayırdır.

Nasıl hayır demelisiniz?

Karşınızdaki insanı kırmadan, gülümseyerek ve onun sizi anlamasını sağlayarak da hayır diyebilirsiniz.

  • Alternatif teklif edin: Örneğin, arkadaşınıza bugün yorgun olduğunuzu ama başka zaman severek kabul edeceğinizi söyleyebilirsiniz.
  • Empati kurarak hayır deyin: İşlerini yetiştiremediği için sizden yardım isteyen arkadaşınızın teklifini, gerçekten bu kadar kısıtlı bir zamanda yetiştiremediğini gayet iyi anladığınızı ve zamanınız olsaydı ona severek yardım edeceğinizi söyleyerek reddedebilirsiniz.
  • Öznel değerlendirme yaparak hayır deyin: Sizi dans gecesine çağıran partnerinizi, topluluk önünde dans etmenin size göre bir davranış olmadığının üzerinde durarak hayır diyebilirsiniz.
  • Kendinizden emin ve net bir şekilde hayır deyin: Hayır demek istediğinizden eminseniz “belki, olabilir, düşüneceğim” tarzı cümleler kurmaktan kaçının. Sonradan hayır demek daha fazla ısrara maruz kalmanıza ve karşınızdaki insanın fikrinizi sonradan değiştirdiğinizi düşünmesine sebep olabilir.
  • Hayır demek en doğal hakkınız ve kimsenin size istemeyeceğiniz bir şeyi yaptıramaz. Bir tebessüm eşliğinde dediğiniz hayır kimseyi incitmeyecektir.

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