Nasıl Bir Annesiniz?

Nasıl Bir Annesiniz?

Genetik şifrelerimiz ve anne babamızın çocuklukta bize tutumları kişiliğimizi oluştururken bizim kişiliğimiz de, çocuğumuzun kişiliğini etkiliyor. Kadın olmanın hiç kuşkusuz en muhteşem duygularından biri olan “annelik”, kişiliğimizin belirgin özelliklerini de ortaya çıkarıyor. Kimi anne vardır çocuğunu aşırı korur, kimisi çok rahattır, kimisi mükemmel çocuk yetiştirme peşinde koşarken kimisi de aşırı hoşgörüsüyle dikkat çeker. Gelin bugün kendinize biraz ayna tutun, bakın bakalım siz nasıl bir annesiniz?

Aşırı Koruyucu Anneler

Anne olan her kadında var olan yavrusunu koruma içgüdüsü, aşırı koruyucu annelerde, sınırlarını aşmış boyuttadır. Onlar, çocuklarına her an kötü bir şey olacak duygusuyla yaşadıklarından çocuklarını sürekli koruma halindedirler. Bu kaygıları kendilerini rahatsız ettiği gibi, çocuklarının da kişilik gelişimini kısıtlar. Terler, üşütür, hasta olur kaygısıyla çocuklarının özgürce oyun oynamasını engellerler, çocuklarının tek başlarına davranmalarına izin vermezler. Ergenlik döneminde de çocuklarını aşırı koruyup kollarlar. Kısacası çocuklarını hayata hazırlamaz ve çocuklarının hayata hazırlanmalarına da engel olurlar. Eğer aşırı koruyucu bir anneyseniz, bilin ki çocuğunuz özgüvenini yeterince geliştiremeyecektir. Korkak, ürkek çekingen bir çocuk olacak ve bu yetişkinliğine de yansıyacaktır. Kaygılarınızdan kurtulun.

Aşırı Disiplinli-Otoriter Anneler

Kişiliğiniz otoriter olabilir ama bunu çocuğunuza hiçbir zaman yansıtmayın. çocuğunuz sizin yaklaşımlarınızı “baskı” olarak algılayacak, ya isyankar biri ya da pasif biri olup çıkacaktır. Sizin katı kurallarınız karşısında çocuğunuz ihtiyacı olan sevgiyi sizden yeterince alamayacaktır. Çocuğunuzla aranıza çok fazla kurallar koymamaIsınız. Sınırlara evet ama baskıya hayır. Aman dikkat!

Mükemmeliyetçi Anneler

Zor bir kişilik özelliği, mükemmeliyetçi olmak. Mükemmeliyetçi anneler, çocuklarının da mükemmel olmasını isterler. En erken konuşan, en erken yürüyen, en erken okumayı öğrenen, sınıfın en başarılısı ve bunun gibi daha pek çok “en” onun çocuğunda olmalıdır. Bu anneler çocukları mükemmel olsun diye onları zorlarlar. Otoriter anneler gibi çocuklarını cezalandırmazlar ama çocuklarından beklentileri sonsuzdur. Unutmayalım ki kimse mükemmel değildir, siz mükemmel misiniz de, çocuğunuzdan bunu bekliyorsunuz? Çocuğunuzun ilerki yaşamında mutsuz ve sizin gibi beklentileri yüksek olmasını istemiyorsanız, bu özelliğinizi törpülemelisiniz.

Hayatta her durumun aşırısı nasıl zararlıysa annelikte de bu böyle. Hoşgörünün bile aşırısı çocuğu olumsuz etkiler, örneğin doyumsuz bir çocuk olabilir.
Gelin siz dengeleri yeniden gözden geçirin. Kişiliğinizin hangi özelliği ya da özellikleri anneliğinizi olumsuz etkiliyorsa, bunu değiştirmeye özen gösterin. Çocuğunuzla her şeyden önce sevginizi ve mutluluğunuzu paylaşın.

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